In honor of Black History Month, I thought it was necessary to use this blog as a wakeup call. Every February, radio and TV companies put together these programs and shows paying homage to the great African American contributors (usually telling us stories we’ve heard since pre-k). All of a sudden we get this big rush of pride and shout “Black Power!” all over the place. All month long we walk around with our chests out and our fists in the air whenever we see the wonderful things our people have contributed to American history. But after those 28 or 29 days are over, the chests collapse, the fists fall and that rush disappears. Why is that? Our history should be flowing through our veins; it should be reflected in our words and in our actions daily, so why does it go away come March 1st?

To be quite honest, I don’t think we are as prideful as we want society to believe. We talk a good game, but do we really walk it? Sure we parade around in our BHM shirts quoting MLK’s “I have a Dream” speech, but how many of us are really fulfilling King’s words? Don’t get me wrong, I know we are proud of how far we’ve come as a race, but a few of us think the work is over, we think that we somehow “made it”. For example, When President Obama won the election, a lot us thought that was the ultimate fight to fight and we had finally won it—No. While, the first black president of the United States was something we thought we would never see, and yes it took us a huge step forward as a race, but that doesn’t mean the fight is over. Barack Obama is in the White House, not us, so we should use his achievement as motivation to keep fighting, to keep moving forward in our own lives. We cannot ride on President Obama’s achievement forever. So what kind of history are we making as individuals?

The same sense of pride, fearlessness, and faith our people had 50, 70, 100 years ago, should still be reflected in the work that we do today. A few nights ago, TV1 broadcast “The Black List” a show that basically highlighted the lives of a few influential African-Americans, some I honestly forgot about. Colin Powell was one of the features and he said “This generation thinks it’s normal to see blacks in high positions; we can’t forget what had to be done to get here.” He confirms my earlier statement and says, “We cannot rest on the achievements of the past 30- 40 years.”  *Raises hand in agreement*

Even with all the accomplishments our forefathers made, all the barriers that have been torn down, there is still more work to be done. With that being said I’ll take it a step further: society owes us NOTHING. We have indeed come far enough that we can stop blaming others for the decisions we’ve made it our lives. I give thanks to the ones that broke down the doors so that I can walk through them.  It is time for us to stop making excuses, get off our lazy butts and make history!

Happy Black History Month!

In loving memory of:

Don Cornelius

Etta James

Whitney Houston

A phenomenon I’ve noticed with successful women in college and out, is a term I would like to coin as the “Super Woman Syndrome”. You see the Super Woman Syndrome causes a woman to take on the assumed tasks of student, CEO, choir director, children’s ministry leader, co-chair of the women’s conference, mother, wife, head PTA chair, President of the Cooking Club, research assistant, secretary of their sorority, volunteer of the week and still have the audacity to want to lead five workshops each month. The Super Woman Syndrome tends to leave a woman burned-out, tired 24/7 with occasional weight influx. She does a lot but cannot give her all in everything she is a part of. She believes there is not enough hours in the day. My sister, ponder upon your life right now…

Do you have a bad case of the Super Woman Syndrome?
Do you feel stretched in 1 million directions?
Do you want peace of mind and rest at night?
Ever considered being a virtuous woman instead?

In Proverbs 31:10-31 God outlines what a virtuous woman is. The virtuous woman is a wife, a mother, seamstress, businesswoman, international shopper, cook, trader, and volunteer. She helps the poor and needy and is concerned about fashion. Sounds like a Super Woman right? Well here’s a few things she has that the Super Woman does not: wisdom, balance, grace, strength and above all else she fears the Lord. Because we are phenomenal women, we are going to wear many hats. But it is most important to have balance. The Proverbs 31 woman had many titles but she wore them all with grace, and balance and her children and husband called her blessed because she was able to give her all in everything she did without over exerting herself. She knows what her limits are and she carefully uses her wisdom before she makes a final decision. Most importantly she fears the Lord and has a relationship with Him therefore she leans to Him to keep her restored, rested, righteous and rejoicing always!

Know what your limits are, drop what is unfruitful in your life, get some rest and evaluate your life so that you are able to give 100% in all that you are a part of. Take a deep breath… You don’t have to be Super woman anymore! Give your burdens to God, allow Him to prioritize your life and ask Him for the grace and balance the Virtuous woman has to wear all your hats well, just like the Purple Hat Lady!

Grace and Peace Be Unto You,
Kiara J. Nair

Love. Love is in the air. In the past few months I’ve heard about more engagements, marriages, and relationships forming than I’ve heard in several years. It is truly a beautiful thing. There is another love that needs to be cultivated and that is the love amongst one another.

Everyday we interact with friends, family, classmates, business associates, peers, etc. And most times we neglect to show love to one another. Being considerate, unselfish, understanding, and patient are ways we can show love for our neighbors without spending a dime or sometimes even saying a word. Lending a helping hand, or carrying out your own responsibilities so as not to burden someone else, are small ways to show consideration to those that depend on us.

Even when we feel someone has mistreated us or acted unjustly towards us. We would do well to remember scriptural counsel such as Colossians 3:13 to forgive one another freely just as God freely forgives us.

We live in a world where people no longer care for one another. It is a race “to the top” and people develop a selfish and greedy attitude. Hate, anger, jealousy, and competition are more commonly seen today. 2 Timothy 3:1-5 lists all the things that we see on a daily basis. I look forward to the day when such things will be done away with.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a says what Love is. Love involves cooperation, humility, mildness, patience, and long-suffering, qualities that do not always come naturally or easily. We must work on and develop these qualities to genuinely express love for one another.

I included scriptures in this blog because you cannot talk about love without talking about God. “Beloved ones, let us continue loving one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born from God and gains the knowledge of God. 8 He that does not love has not come to know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7,8). I encourage you to read on to verse 21. We love because He first loved us.

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Lead Out Loud Summit, which is an annual summit hosted at The University of Central Florida. There were a variety of speakers, one of which stood out to me the most: Mr. Ed Daniels.

Mr. Daniels began his presentation by asking us to define  ”networking.”  Everyone gave the obvious answers, i.e. looking for a job, meeting people to give you a job, meeting big shots and people that can help you in the future, etc. To our surprise this was only half the answer.  Networking is not simply meeting those that can benefit you. Instead, your network should include what you can do to benefit others.

Often times we only desire to meet individuals who are “successful” and we overlook those that work just as hard. How many of us know the Janitors at our Universities?  How many of us have taken the time to greet the lawn mowers we see? What about the people that prepare our lattes in the morning, drive our shuttles or even construct the buildings we sit in?

I believe we, the beautiful BFDC,  are such a powerful group of women. We possess the abilities and the tools to inspire, impact and transform the lives of those we may come into contact with.  We may never meet a lawyer that can offer us a job, we may never be presented with endless opportunities by others but what we CAN do is be the women giving someone else a job. We can be the women offering someone else words of wisdom or simply just our time. While it is great to have a balance, we should be reminded that it is better to give than it is to receive.

I challenge all of you to create and/or or expand your network.  If while doing so you run into President Obama or Beyonce, GREAT!  If not? That’s okay too.

“Networking is simply the cultivating of mutually beneficial, give and take, win-win relationships. It works best, however, when emphasizing the ‘give’ part.” —Bob Burg

Hebrew 4:15-16 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our times of need.”

Proverbs 3:26 “For the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.”

“If you’re facing a challenge right now, I want you to know that you have a standing invitation from you heavenly father to come boldly to the throne of grace to obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

When you’re down and out and feel like your world is coming to an end just remember that God is always there to help you in your time of need. You can rejoice because God is your strength you don’t have to try to make it through a difficult situation by yourself. Have trust and confidence in God and he will support you.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone about plans you have for yourself and after they told you they didn’t think  your goal was achievable, you immediately told them “stop hating!”? I have too. I’ve said it so much, in fact, that it has become an automatic response.

Could it be that every person who disagrees with me, who criticized me, or who has ever told me I couldn’t do something I knew I would in fact do, actually hates me? Then one day it occurred to me… what if they just don’t agree with me? What if the criticism they offered was just constructive? What if they don’t think I can do it… because they’ve never seen me do it?

Have we really gotten to a place where no one is allowed to see us in a way that we don’t see ourselves? It’s one thing when a person down plays your success or tries to convince you that your achievements don’t mean anything. That sounds like jealousy. However, when people let you know what they think of your ideas, goals, or even achievements, it could be that they are just sharing their opinion. An opinion that doesn’t align with what yours, or what you wanted to hear, but their opinion nonetheless. Granted, it might be laced with negativity, but some people (actually quite a few people) call that “keeping it real”.

In the end, who cares? If they’re hating, let them. If they’re giving their opinion, let them. If they’re keeping it real… try not to laugh. Either way, none of it changes the fact that you’re still able to be successful. Live your life, focus on the important things, and don’t be so easily distracted.

Oh, and don’t let your haters be your motivators. 1. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative reinforcement and 2. God is Love – let Love Rule .

As we enter into the second week of 2012, many of us have already planned our new years resolutions. Many of our resolutions are things we  always wanted to do but have turned out to be long term goals. This year, I challenge you to make a resolution that will improve your inner-self. Instead of having a cliche resolution such as ” I’m going to lose weight”,  say “I’m going to lose what is weighing me down emotionally”. 2012 is a new year and new beginning, so make YOURSELF a top priority.

Ways you can do this:

1.  Make time for yourself on a day to day basis enjoying what you like to do.

2. Think about your actions and how it will affect you emotionally.

3. Remove negative aspects of your life.

4.Surround yourself with people who truly support you in your life goals.

5. RELAX! RELAX! Don’t overexert and over think  yourself.

6.  Have confidence in yourself and what you do.

 Also,  remember a Clear Mind + Clear Spirit = A Better You.

I went to church on New Year’s Eve and the pastor (Bishop R. McKissick, Jr.) made a simple statement that truly helped me to see how much I have to be thankful for coming into this new year. He said “think about where you were on January 1, 2011″. This one statement wasn’t even a main point of the sermon, but it really made me think. Physically, I was in the same place because I’m always home for NYE, but personally I was in a totally different place. I was at a job that was becoming increasingly more frustrating, I was in a dead-end relationship (if you can even call it a relationship), I was living in a city I didn’t like, and I was in a panic studying for my doctoral exam. By January 1, 2012 my life was 100% different and 100% better!

The same can be said about the Black Female Development Circle, Inc. We ended the year completely different from how we began. We hosted a successful conference in New Orleans (our first time hosting a conference in a city where we didn’t have a chapter), we crowned our 1st National Miss Woman of Excellence, we established a new initiative which will expand our reach in many positive ways, and we continued to grow and establish new chapters, while strengthening our existing chapters.

In 2012, BFDC will continue to grow and make a significant difference in the lives of all that we come in contact with. We have a calling that we are not afraid to step into and the members of the National Board are committed to BFDC, our mission, our members, and ourselves.  We sincerely hope you will take the journey with us and be supportive of all that we have in store for 2012!

Things to look forward to in 2012:

BFDC Paying it Forward – We will continue to support non-profit organizations for women and girls throughout the year.

BFDC Collegiate Leadership Retreat

Purple Power 2012 – “My Sister, Myself: Women Inspiring Women” in Atlanta, GA.

Much More!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS LADIES!

How was your holiday weekend? I pray that everyone enjoyed their time with their loved ones, sharing memories and creating new ones. I also pray that you all were blessed with the gifts that you most rightfully deserve. Speaking of creating memories and being blessings, I am so proud of what BFDC has accomplished during this holiday season.

As many of you know, BFDC began collecting canned food for our “Pay It Forward” project for the Bethel Foundation, a non-profit organization based in Oklahoma City, OK that assists single mothers and their families get back on their feet. During the holiday season, single mothers are the last group of people that we think about. We forget how much single mothers struggle or sacrifice just to put food on the table. This year, BFDC decided to changed that. We wanted to SHOW these mothers that we did not forget about them, that we encourage them, and that we appreciate their strength and will to be the great mothers they are.

I am pleased to announce that the beautiful ladies of The Black Female Development Circle, Inc. sent over 140 lbs. of food to the Bethel Foundation this year, helping the organization feed over 6,000 single mothers and their families during this holiday season.

Special thanks to the UCF, UM, SPELMAN, AND FIU chapters that participated in this special project. Words cannot express how much I appreciate you ladies for supporting our national organization in “Paying It Forward.” We truly did something great and it would not have been possible without you ladies! Thank you again!

-BFDCLOVE

For more information on the Bethel Foundation and to make a charitable contribution, please visit their website at http://www.bethelfoundationusa.com/

Actual Children’s Answers to The Question “What Is Love?”

 “Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” – Chrissy, age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” – Terri, age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” – Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” – Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” – Bobby, age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” – Nikka, age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” – Noelle, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” – Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” – Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” – Clare, age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” – Elaine, age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” – Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” – Mary Ann, age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” – Lauren, age 4

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” – Rebecca, age 8

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” – Karen, age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” – Jessica, age 8

“Love is like a morning sunrise it’s consistent, you can always count on it to be there”- Nancy P, age 21

What is love to you at your age?

-BFDC <3