One of my favorite shows right now is Scandal (even though they only show one episode per month)! I look forward to those Thursdays when I know there will be a new episode and will do anything I can to make sure I’m available by 10 pm to watch. One of the most fun aspects of watching the show is live tweeting with my friends. We all make funny comments, try to guess who’s the bad guy and go crazy at the same time when Shonda Rhimes throws us for a loop (we’ve decided she’s the devil and/or a witch who has cast a spell on us).

One of the more interesting phenomenons that has also come out of watching this show with 200 of my closest friends every week is reading all the tweets about “side chicks” versus “main chicks/wives”. While many can see the scripted and fictitious love between President Grant and Olivia Pope, to them rooting for that “couple” is the equivalent of cheering for adultery. Others are caught up in the scripted and fictitious love story, so rooting Fitz and Livie is the equivalent of cheering for love (I’m cheering for love 🙂 ).  In either case the focus is always on why the side chick is wrong or justified rather than discussing why a man shouldn’t cheat on his wife. It’s almost as if even though the man made the vows of fidelity,  his actions don’t matter at all and the woman should be held accountable for both of their actions.

Now, I certainly am not excusing any mistress from her/his part in an affair but I also don’t think she’s the problem. If a man or woman decides to go outside of their marriage, then you could insert any male or female in or out of the equation and no affair would actually take place without the married person’s participation. Just this weekend, I had a man approach me and flirt with me and ask me out. When I asked him his intentions, he told me he was looking for a short term relationship. Since I’d never heard that response before I asked, “short term? you’re not looking for long term, or marriage?” and his response was “I’m already married”. Now since I don’t date married men or men who are otherwise involved, that was the end of it for me, but… 1. Had I not asked, I could have easily gone on a date with a married man and assumed that since he was dating he was also single; and 2. I walked away from the situation, but that same married man will eventually ask a woman out who doesn’t care or doesn’t ask about his relationship status.

What’s my point? Well I have a couple of points – My minor point is… Scandal is just a TV show folks. Just because I cheer for Fitz and Liv that doesn’t mean I am a side chick, or that I have ever been a side chick, or that I don’t value marriage, or that I want to see more Black women with White men (well… I kind of do want to see that, but not because of Scandal… that’s a blog for another day 🙂 ).

The main point is let’s stop ALWAYS blaming the woman for every problem in society! It’s not her fault your husband cheated, it’s his fault because HE CHEATED. It’s not her fault she got raped, it’s his fault because HE couldn’t take no for an answer (yes, even at 2am in a hotel room, a woman still has the right to say no). It’s not her fault he punched her in the face because HE punched her and HE should have self control even if she started the argument. Men have just as much of a responsibility to be responsible as we do, so let’s stop letting them off the hook!