To Educate, Explore, Enhance, and Celebrate Womanhood

Have you ever had a conversation with someone about plans you have for yourself and after they told you they didn’t think  your goal was achievable, you immediately told them “stop hating!”? I have too. I’ve said it so much, in fact, that it has become an automatic response.

Could it be that every person who disagrees with me, who criticized me, or who has ever told me I couldn’t do something I knew I would in fact do, actually hates me? Then one day it occurred to me… what if they just don’t agree with me? What if the criticism they offered was just constructive? What if they don’t think I can do it… because they’ve never seen me do it?

Have we really gotten to a place where no one is allowed to see us in a way that we don’t see ourselves? It’s one thing when a person down plays your success or tries to convince you that your achievements don’t mean anything. That sounds like jealousy. However, when people let you know what they think of your ideas, goals, or even achievements, it could be that they are just sharing their opinion. An opinion that doesn’t align with what yours, or what you wanted to hear, but their opinion nonetheless. Granted, it might be laced with negativity, but some people (actually quite a few people) call that “keeping it real”.

In the end, who cares? If they’re hating, let them. If they’re giving their opinion, let them. If they’re keeping it real… try not to laugh. Either way, none of it changes the fact that you’re still able to be successful. Live your life, focus on the important things, and don’t be so easily distracted.

Oh, and don’t let your haters be your motivators. 1. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative reinforcement and 2. God is Love – let Love Rule .

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As we enter into the second week of 2012, many of us have already planned our new years resolutions. Many of our resolutions are things we  always wanted to do but have turned out to be long term goals. This year, I challenge you to make a resolution that will improve your inner-self. Instead of having a cliche resolution such as ” I’m going to lose weight”,  say “I’m going to lose what is weighing me down emotionally”. 2012 is a new year and new beginning, so make YOURSELF a top priority.

Ways you can do this:

1.  Make time for yourself on a day to day basis enjoying what you like to do.

2. Think about your actions and how it will affect you emotionally.

3. Remove negative aspects of your life.

4.Surround yourself with people who truly support you in your life goals.

5. RELAX! RELAX! Don’t overexert and over think  yourself.

6.  Have confidence in yourself and what you do.

 Also,  remember a Clear Mind + Clear Spirit = A Better You.

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I went to church on New Year’s Eve and the pastor (Bishop R. McKissick, Jr.) made a simple statement that truly helped me to see how much I have to be thankful for coming into this new year. He said “think about where you were on January 1, 2011″. This one statement wasn’t even a main point of the sermon, but it really made me think. Physically, I was in the same place because I’m always home for NYE, but personally I was in a totally different place. I was at a job that was becoming increasingly more frustrating, I was in a dead-end relationship (if you can even call it a relationship), I was living in a city I didn’t like, and I was in a panic studying for my doctoral exam. By January 1, 2012 my life was 100% different and 100% better!

The same can be said about the Black Female Development Circle, Inc. We ended the year completely different from how we began. We hosted a successful conference in New Orleans (our first time hosting a conference in a city where we didn’t have a chapter), we crowned our 1st National Miss Woman of Excellence, we established a new initiative which will expand our reach in many positive ways, and we continued to grow and establish new chapters, while strengthening our existing chapters.

In 2012, BFDC will continue to grow and make a significant difference in the lives of all that we come in contact with. We have a calling that we are not afraid to step into and the members of the National Board are committed to BFDC, our mission, our members, and ourselves.  We sincerely hope you will take the journey with us and be supportive of all that we have in store for 2012!

Things to look forward to in 2012:

BFDC Paying it Forward – We will continue to support non-profit organizations for women and girls throughout the year.

BFDC Collegiate Leadership Retreat

Purple Power 2012 – “My Sister, Myself: Women Inspiring Women” in Atlanta, GA.

Much More!!

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS LADIES!

How was your holiday weekend? I pray that everyone enjoyed their time with their loved ones, sharing memories and creating new ones. I also pray that you all were blessed with the gifts that you most rightfully deserve. Speaking of creating memories and being blessings, I am so proud of what BFDC has accomplished during this holiday season.

As many of you know, BFDC began collecting canned food for our “Pay It Forward” project for the Bethel Foundation, a non-profit organization based in Oklahoma City, OK that assists single mothers and their families get back on their feet. During the holiday season, single mothers are the last group of people that we think about. We forget how much single mothers struggle or sacrifice just to put food on the table. This year, BFDC decided to changed that. We wanted to SHOW these mothers that we did not forget about them, that we encourage them, and that we appreciate their strength and will to be the great mothers they are.

I am pleased to announce that the beautiful ladies of The Black Female Development Circle, Inc. sent over 140 lbs. of food to the Bethel Foundation this year, helping the organization feed over 6,000 single mothers and their families during this holiday season.

Special thanks to the UCF, UM, SPELMAN, AND FIU chapters that participated in this special project. Words cannot express how much I appreciate you ladies for supporting our national organization in “Paying It Forward.” We truly did something great and it would not have been possible without you ladies! Thank you again!

-BFDCLOVE

For more information on the Bethel Foundation and to make a charitable contribution, please visit their website at http://www.bethelfoundationusa.com/

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Actual Children’s Answers to The Question “What Is Love?”

 “Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” – Chrissy, age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” – Terri, age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” – Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” – Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” – Bobby, age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” – Nikka, age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” – Noelle, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” – Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” – Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” – Clare, age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” – Elaine, age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” – Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” – Mary Ann, age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” – Lauren, age 4

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” – Rebecca, age 8

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” – Karen, age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” – Jessica, age 8

“Love is like a morning sunrise it’s consistent, you can always count on it to be there”- Nancy P, age 21

What is love to you at your age?

-BFDC <3

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Did you know Americans will put about $430 Billion back into the economy this holiday season? Did you also know that the AVERAGE American will spend up to $750 on gifts this year? Meaning that a two-person home will spend up to $1500! I don’t know about yall but that is so not my budget. At all.
With Christmas only 14 days away, and with most of us still scrambling around to find the perfect gift for the special people in our lives, we still have a little time to save. Instead of neglecting our bills, maxing out credit cards, or fighting for the last Malibu Barbie, we should give the most precious gift that no one can find in the stores–ourselves.

This holiday season, let’s think of different ways to give of ourselves to those we love, those we lost or even those we do not know. Below are 6 ways we can partake in this great gift-giving season that will cost you little to no money at all!

1. Volunteer at a homeless shelter. (It is a very liberating and humbling experience.)

2. Call an older relative (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) just to say “Happy Holidays” and “I love you.” (Trust me a simple phone call goes a long way.)

3. Rekindle an old friendship. (You’ll be surprised what becomes of it.)

4. Cook a holiday meal for a single-parent home.

5. Invite a friend/co-worker with no holiday plans over for dinner.

6. Give holiday cards to someone you do not know ( You never know who you may touch.)

Often times we get so caught up in the holiday craziness that we lose what the holidays are all about: Giving. Hopefully this list is helpful as we wrap up this busiest time of the year! Remember: No one in this world is more special than you, no one in this world is more deserving of the great gifts you will receive, but most of all no one will be able to give the most perfect gift–YOU!

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” –Kahlil Gibran

-BFDCLOVE

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As women we know the double standards that are against us when referring to relationships, dating, and personal care. However, the double standards in the workplace and in school has been a topic of discussion amongst women I’ve had conversations with over the past few weeks. The double standards that apply to men and women in life and in the workplace are obvious. Yet, the double standards against minority women and Caucasian women are present but much more subtle.

I have countless experiences where my opinion, suggestion, or answer to a question has been challenged by both Caucasian men and women. For example, in my physics class, if my partners submitted homework that received full credit it was because they were smart. However, if I submitted homework that received full credit, they reasoned that it was because I looked it up on the internet. In the same class all of my suggestions or ideas were challenged, questioned, or had to be verified by the professor. Yet, neither of my partner’s suggestions or ideas was challenged, even when they were wrong.

I have many similar experiences at work. I have been at my job for almost five years. I could go on about the things I have experienced. One woman I was speaking to about this matter expressed her concern as well. Not only do all women have to work twice as hard to prove themselves “equal” to men in the workplace, but minority women have to work even harder to prove themselves “equal” to Caucasian women in the workplace. One place, that will remain nameless, was in the hiring process for a new employee. Amongst hundreds of applications, it was narrowed down to three of the most qualified applicants. Up to this point only their qualifications, résumés, and work experiences were reviewed. So it was safe to say that all three candidates were qualified for the position. It was not until the interview process that the committee was able to see the three candidates in person. They wanted to interview the most qualified candidate first; they did not know she was African American. They interviewed the next candidate and before even getting to the third they decided that the second candidate was “their best option.”

Recently, one of my friends was in a threatening situation with her Caucasian roommate. As college students we know the woes of having roommates. My friend placed one of her items on the counter that was filled with items from the other roommates. When she came home, the item was in front of her door. This wasn’t the first time her roommates touched her belongings so she was understandably upset and my friend asked her roommates why they moved her possessions. Instead of trying to settle the situation, her roommate pulled out a knife and started to twirl the knife. My friend decided to call the police. When the police arrived, not only did they not write a report they told my friend that she would have to go to the courthouse to handle the situation, and they also escorted my friend out of the apartment to stay with someone, “to keep peace.” What do you think would have been the result if the situation had been the other way around?

Have you had any similar experiences? Do you agree or disagree?

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Everyday I realize more and more how much I’ve truly learned while being in college. While writing a paper in APA format is okay, and knowing the anatomy and physiology of life wouldn’t hurt us, I believe I’ve learned a much more meaningful, relevant and lifelong lesson.

Many of us are currently in college or have been at one point so we know about the pettiness that can occur. If we aren’t constantly talking about an athlete, it’s about a Greek. If it’s not about a Greek, it’s about a modeling troupe. If it’s not about models it’s about a girl who dates an athlete who happens to be a Greek who cheated on them with a model that can’t dress and should wear a better lace front and so on and so forth.

This past weekend I have personally been the victim of pettiness. Long story short, the same individual that has been trying to ruin my life struck once again. From trying to ruin my name to making up lies, Lord knows I wanted to politely give them a piece of my mind but I didn’t. What would be the purpose? What they said about me doesn’t solidify who I am, it doesn’t matter. I know what I stand for and I know the truth so I did not allow them to ruin my day. A year from now I guarantee that the things we once thought were life threatening will become a joke. I’ve learned that MOST things we go through while we are here will have no significance once we graduate, once we enter the real world. The boys we fought over won’t even remember our names, the girls who hated us will be sweeping our floors for a living and the tears we cried will be jokes to our children. With that being said, why allow people and things to rent space in our minds now? Why give situations enough power to make us leave an event early, go around fighting people, feuding via social networks or crying our hearts out? These four years should be the time of our lives. It should be the time where there are no worries, simply homework and fun. We should be basking in our independence, rejoicing at our lack of serious responsibility and enjoying life. I’m convinced that’s impossible to do if we spend every moment caught up in unnecessary drama.

From my own experiences and the experiences of others, I’ve made up in my mind that nothing or no one will affect my life and I think all of you beautiful women should too. I urge you all to join me on the “if it doesn’t apply let it fly” Campaign. The next time a situation occurs ask yourself if in two years it will be of any relevance. If the answer is no, let it go.

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Thanksgiving is this week and most of us have two things on our minds, FOOD and SHOPPING. I’ll be emptying out my pockets  – lol so unfortunately I have no advice in that category! But I can definitely lend a helping hand on how not gain an extra 5 pounds during this Thanksgiving and holiday season. With a little help you can satisfy your desire for traditional favorites and still enjoy a guilt-free Thanksgiving feast. The only one that should be feeling stuffed is the turkey.
1. Morning exercise
Even if its a walk around the block or a family Wii Fit tournament, make sure you get a minor workout in before you eat to burn off any extra calories from the night before. My family loves to dance to the Michael Jackson “The Experience” Wii video game, its fun and definitely a work out!

2. Eat Breakfast
Many of us try not to eat breakfast the day of because we feel that if we don’t we’ll have plenty of room for grandma’s sweet potato pie and her infamous stuffing. That’s exactly what not to do. Start your day with a small yet satisfying breakfast, i.e. whole grain cereal with milk, or egg with a piece of whole wheat toast. This can curve your appetite.

3. Less sugar, Less Fat
If you’re making a dish try to make it figure friendly. Use fat-free chicken broth for basting your meats and making gravy. For baked goods use sugar substitutes or fruit purees instead. REDUCE, REDUCE, REDUCE oil and butter wherever you can. With minor adjustments, I promise the taste will still be the same.

4. Portion Control
a. Buffet style or feast style the display of traditional family favorites is mouth watering. Just the sight of greens, yams, mac and cheese, etc, makes you want to make room on your plate to taste everything. That’s exactly what not to do. Before you go through the buffet line or reach for a dish in the center of the table, survey the options. Think about the foods that you haven’t had throughout the year. Don’t waste your time on food that you eat from time to time during the year. Fill your plate with small portions of your holiday favorites that only come around once a year.
b. SKIP SECONDS!
-One serving is quite filling. Resist the temptations. Just have leftovers for the next day.

5. Slow and Steady
a. Eating slowly, putting your fork down between bites, and tasting each mouthful is one of the easiest ways to enjoy your meal and feel satisfied with one plate of food. Choose the healthiest foods that contain whole grains, vegetables, salads, etc.

6. Easy on the Liq (yes… Liq)
Remember that alcohol has calories that add on to the food you’re eating. So have a glass of water in between your alcoholic beverages, this way you stay hydrated and limit alcohol calories. Oh and of course stay sober .

7. Celebration
The holiday season is a time for celebration. Family and friends should be the focus not the food on the table. The main focus should be celebrating relationships and spending quality time.

I promise if you follow these simple steps for this holiday season, I guarantee you won’t need the “Lose 15 pounds” New Years Resolution.  I hope each and every one of you have an amazing holiday season filled with happiness and laughter, joy and cheer. From my family to yours, Happy Holidays!

Love ya lots. #BFDClove
-Shirelle

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